


The Perfect Wife

by Noiz_Bunny



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Businessman!America, F/M, Fem!Canada - Freeform, Fem!China - Freeform, Heterosexuality, Interracial Relationship, Minor Canada/France (Hetalia), Physical Abuse, Pregnancy, Verbal Abuse, doctor!russia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-04 16:18:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12774774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noiz_Bunny/pseuds/Noiz_Bunny
Summary: This fic is gonna contain some choice language, so if you aren’t cool with that then please refrain from reading. In no way am I trying offend anyone or any race, this is a work of fiction.





	1. Fantasy

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is gonna contain some choice language, so if you aren’t cool with that then please refrain from reading. In no way am I trying offend anyone or any race, this is a work of fiction.

  
Born on the Mainland of China, I was soon whisked away by a charming, fast talking business man. At the tender age of 18, I fell into his hands like putty. Soon after, we eloped and lived in his home in Richmond, Virginia.

I remember first coming here, English fresh on my tongue and butterflies in my stomach. I felt like a princess walking into this huge house made out of red brick with a beautifully furnished interior. Alfred was so sweet, he was gentle and patient with me and always ensured I was happy. My fear completely evaporated with his kind words, I felt like I would be okay here.

Two years have passed since then and our relationship has become quite sour. He's never home and when he is, he's grouchy and upset. It would be simple to just go outside and make friends with the other housewives, but Americans aren't quite accepting of the Chinese, or any other race for that matter.

People only find me tolerable because I'm a rich white man's wife. I'm by no means a trophy, but a greedy chink, who solely wanted to escape poverty in China . I sigh and walk to the living area, then I hear the click of the door opening.

"Welco-"

"Yes, yes, you and I need to have a discussion."

He grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me to the den.

"You just got home, what on earth must we discuss?"

"Mother has been nagging me about grandchildren, you wouldn't be opposed to bearing my children would you?"

Though my purpose was to wash clothes, cook his dinner, and bear his children. Was there really a point in asking for my consent if that's supposedly my 'duty' as a woman?

I didn't answer, but instead looked at him blankly. I've never regretted this relationship more than I do now. I don't wish for my children to suffer the neglect I have felt and by his hand, it's not fair.

"Wang Yao, I'm asking you a question."

I must answer, if I don't, I'll be divorced and put on a ship to Shanghai by morning.

"If that's what you so desire, Alfred."

He beamed and squeezed me tightly. His entire demeanor had changed, but I knew he was only happy because his mother wouldn't be hounding him about the subject anymore.

"I'll wait on you hand and foot while you are pregnant. I'll buy you everything your heart desires, we'll have a midwife, and I'll buy the finest furniture for the nursery."

Money, money, money. What kind of materialistic woman does he take me for?

"That all sounds all good and well, my dear. But aren't you hungry? I'll cook dinner and run your bath."

"Not tonight. I want to take you out. I want to show you off at a party with some important business partners of mine."

His sudden sense of pride for me was overwhelming and made me slightly uncomfortable.

I smiled sweetly and shook my head at his offer.

"Oh darling, please. You can wear the shi.. Shi.. The dress your mother made for you for our wedding!"

I rolled my eyes at his poor attempt at speaking my language. I made the effort of learning his, couldn't he at least make himself familiar with mine?

"Qipao, dear."

"Yes! Will you wear it?"

I nodded and smiled brightly at him. If he absolutely insisted, I should give into his will. That's what I've always done, his over the top, bubbly personality makes me weak and bends me into an awkward position. His happiness is infectious and reminds me of the very reason why I agreed to run away with him.

"And tonight, upon our return we could start.. Trying.."

I blushed, knowing what he was implying. Even though we've been married for 2 years, we absolutely have no sex life. We consummated the marriage the first night, but other than that we only treated each other with our bodies on birthdays. I don't think we exactly have the typical marriage, nor do I particularly wish for one.

"Well.. I'll go get ready."

I went up the spiraling staircase and showered in our avant garde bathroom and dressed myself in the Qipao mother made for me. I traced my finger over the intricate gold stitchings and admired the fiery red color of the smooth silk. I felt elegant and feminine, but different.

I turned and I could still not find what was amiss. I suppose I'm thinner than before, but my natural curves were still apparent. I didn't have the boyish figure men desired nowadays, my hips are wide and my breasts are full. Yet my arms are thin and my bottom ribs poked out from beneath my skin. I get asked a lot if I use corsets to achieve my small waist, but I wouldn't be caught dead in those dreadful contraptions!

I like to think Alfred appreciates my natural beauty. I don't wear makeup aside from lipstick and I don't wear body augmenting garments, but too bad I'm Chinese. I pinched my cheeks to make my face flush and swiped a couple coats of pink lipstick on my lips.

I walked back downstairs to meet my husband, dapper in a steel grey suit and red tie.

"You look lovely, Wang Yao.."  
  
I smiled sweetly and we went on our way to Alfred's business soirée. And as usual, we got strange looks upon arrival, but Alfred quickly dismissed them. The women looked uncomfortable when conversing with me, my accent is thick, but my English is understandable. As the night dragged on, I eventually ceased conversations and stayed close to Alfred. He paid me no mind and discussed business strategies and plans. I felt like a fish out of water, I could hear the women whispering to one another about me.

"Look at that chink. How was she even let into the country? Isn't there a law about that?"

"And she's so thin, it's disgusting! Like.. What are they.."

"Chop sticks?"

"Yes!"

"Ugly little bamboo coon needs to go back to where she came from."

"I agree."

"It's a shame Alfred married that baby-muncher. What ugly children they'll have, if she's doesn't eat it first!"

They all chuckled in unison. I tried to keep my temper, my blood was boiling and I could feel my face heating up with anger. I would never eat my children and I can't help if I'm thin. Being Chinese doesn't make me any less of a person.

I let go of Alfred and walked out of the house . I started walking in the direction I think is home until I hear thunderous footsteps behind me.

"Wang Yao!"

"Go away! I'm going home!"

"Wang Yao, get back here right now!"

I stopped and turned to him.

"I'm your wife, not your servant or a damned dog! And I will not stay there and be made a fool of!"

"Right now, it's me who's being made a fool of! Get back here, this instant."

His voice was deep and struck fear into my heart. As badly as I wanted to stand my ground and tell him no, I caved and returned to his side once more. When we arrived for a second time, the whispers were more intense and people's stares bore holes into us.

"I do apologize for my wife's behavior. She's been unwell lately, y'see we're expecting and she felt nauseated and didn't want anyone to see her in that state.”

I looked at him in a slight panic and bowed nervously.

"Congrats, Al! You're gonna be a dad! A toast to baby Jones!"

Everyone in the room cheered and the group of gossiping ladies grimaced at the announcement. I felt embarrassed, I hate being the center of attention. Even if I was really pregnant, when the baby's born they'll quickly resent him for his Chinese blood. Alfred pulled me close and helped me sit down.

"Alfred.. I want to go home.."

"You've embarrassed me once. I will not have you do it again. You will sit here quietly and wait until I've finished discussing with these gentlemen. Do you understand?"

I nodded and folded my hands in my lap. I didn't want to meet anyone's eyes, I knew I wasn't supposed to be here and I'm beginning to think of myself as lesser too. Deep down inside, I think Alfred doesn't see me as his equal, he only married me to piss off his mother.

When we finally did get home, we attempted at conceiving, but in all honesty, I didn't want a baby. Not with him at least and certainly not here. But with my terribly good luck, I'm most likely pregnant, maybe even with twins. Afterwards, long after Alfred had went to sleep, I found myself crying. What for, I do not know, but my heart was heavy with regret and worry.


	2. Reality

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I awoke at the crack of dawn, much earlier than my husband. Every morning I perform the monotonous ritual of daily hygiene, unecessary and excessive makeup, and preparing a breakfast fit for a king. I used to relish in these tedious mornings, I loved doing my best for my husband and loving every minute he loved me. The process went from enjoyable to grueling in two brief years. Perhaps our marriage was going through what they call, the terrible twos, which I thought only applied to toddlers. But I don’t think think a rough patch would cause this much despair.

Alfred would wake minutes before breakfast was finished, I’d nag him to wash his face before the meal, he begrudgingly does so, and we sit to a silent refection. 

I missed the days when our lovely home was full of joy and laughter, truly, as much as I detest his true self I still love him greatly. Probably more than I’m willing to admit, but my bitterness outweighs love.

I yawned as I plated the last of breakfast and a sleepy Alfred stumbled from the hall. The blond lazily wrapped his toned arms around me muttering something I believe was supposed to be ‘good morning’. I prepared him piping hot black coffee and watched him cautiously sip it to wake himself up. 

“Don’t you have a doctor’s appointment today?”

Alfred stared daggers into me, he’s been nagging insistently on me going to doctor and went out of his way to book me with the best Ob/Gyn in town. 

“Yes, dear.” I answered dryly, picking at my food. 

If the home tests are correct, I’m about six weeks along and I wasn’t happy about it, actually the complete opposite. It made my stomach churn to have this child, that it would share even a fraction of this man’s DNA.  

If you would’ve asked me two years ago, I couldn’t even imagine being the mother of his children, I was content with just being his wife. And being able to love him day in and out with the everlasting satisfaction of calling him my own. I wonder where that’s blind love went to, where has it gone? And why had it gone so suddenly? 

What I wouldn’t give to feel that overwhelming pleasure once again, to relish in the love we shared, but now I’m stuck in a lackluster limbo regretting every day that I even immigrated here.

”I really hope you’re pregnant, we’d make phenomenonal parents, my love.”

I smiled meekly, forcing my teeth to peer through my thin lips. Happiness was certainly not the feeling filling my heart, but I must maintain the façade. 

“Of course, my love.”

We continued our meal in silence and Alfred went to dress himself and head to work, leaving me behind. I continued my spousal duties until I alerted the driver of my upcoming appointment.

I felt awkward in the gynecologist office, so many women with swollen bellies and glowing faces, husbands in tow. As a young girl, I’d play house with my dollies and give them big, lively families as I dreamt for myself. A loving husband, beautiful wife, two model children, and a pet that adored its owners. I never deviated from this system and allowed them their nuclear lifestyle and relished in it because it was what I precisely envisioned for adulthood. 

While most of it indeed happened, I received my loving husband and my grandiose, princess wedding, but it soon soured and I learned fairytales don’t have happy endings.

”..Mrs. Jones?”

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts, I didn’t even hear the nurse call my name. I awkwardly trudged across the waiting room, feeling the piercing gaze of hormonal eyes boring holes in my back. Once in the safety of the examination room, I waited patiently for the doctor to come and run his necessary tests to determine if my womb was occupied or not. And I found myself pleasantly surprised by the doctor who will be possibly accompanying me these next nine months. 

He was outrageously tall, much taller than Alfred, with silver blond hair. An albino, I assume with those peculiar purple eyes and ghostly pale skin. His face was masculine and chiseled, but harbored a soft expression that put me st ease. He reminds me of a bear, dual sided in nature with the capability to be both vicious and loving. The dashing doctor extended his large paw to me for a strong handshake that nearly crushed my dainty hand. 

 “Ivan Braginsky. I’ll be overseeing the care of you and your child.”

“Possible child. I— My husband and I aren’t quite sure, but we’ve been trying quite hard and are hoping that it works out.”

Ivan smiled warmly and it made me blush. I haven’t met a man this charming and handsome since Alfred.

“I hope you have some success then. If I may ask, why isn’t your husband here today?” 

He migrated over to the sink, washing his hands and snapping on a pair of baby blue gloves, waiting for a response.

“He’s a busy man, he’s one of the executive directors of a financial company and as much as he wishes to attend, he’s far too busy.”

My response left a bitter taste in my mouth, it must’ve sounded awful. I must seem like a neglected wife starving for her husband’s attention. While the neglecting was definitely the truth, I can certainly survive without his affections.

Ivan simply made a noise of acknowledgement, then instructed me to lay down as he proceeded to prod at my lower belly with gentle fingertips.

”Your accent, would you happen to be Chinese?”

I nodded, surprised that no racial slurs tagged on the end of that statement, but I suppose he had no leverage as his speech was amiss as well.

“Interesting. I’m Russian, as you probably knew from my name. I haven’t met anyone from overseas in my time here so it’s nice that you’re my patient.”

He chuckled softly as he scribbled some chicken scratch on his clipboard then called out to the nurse for some supplies.

”If you would, I would like to check your overall vaginal health since you are on the slimmer side, pregnancy can be quite a burden on your tiny body.”

I reluctantly slid my feet into the metal stirrups and allowed him to examine my lower region, making me quite uncomfortable. Every now again, I’d wince or groan in discomfort and receive quick, yet quiet sorry in return. And once the lengthy excavation of my reproductive organs ended, he deemed that pregnancy will be taxing, yet doable.

”Alright, so the nurses will instruct you on how to give a urine sample and we’ll collect some blood to gauge your hCG levels and get back to you in a couple days.”

When Ivan left, it was physically painful. The thirty short minutes we spent together making small talk, was nice. Though it wasn’t much, it was more than I’ve been getting as of lately. But I rather not dwell on the poor state of my marriage and my possible yearning for my gynecologist, that’s as cliché as it gets. 

And when that fateful day came, when Dr. Braginsky called with results of my samples. I was indeed with child. Alfred was ecstatic, jubilant even. While I was still stuck in my crossroad, I was too terrified of what exactly life had in store for my baby and what this man will subject us to. It was so worrisome that it gave me a migraine, which Alfred failed to acknowledge as he was too busy calling up friends to tell them the news. 

Unfortunately, I’ll have to continue this unsavory character, so I don’t upset Alfred cause god knows that’s a lot more than I can handle at the moment. 

What unfortunate things that happen when reality sets in. 


	3. Bruised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING— this chapter includes abuse, if you aren’t ok with that then it isn’t plot heavy so it’s okay to skip over. Abuse isn’t cute so don’t think I’m making light of it or romanticizing it. Abuse is a serious thing and should be dealt with as such.

I feel like I’m in my golden years, taking five or six pills each morning. Prenatal, women’s health, multivitamin, it’s all too much! But if I didn’t, I’d surely hear from Alfred. He even hired more help around the house, so I literally won’t have to lift a finger. Now I’m truly useless. 

I sat on the couch, eight weeks pregnant and not even a baby pooch. I’m more than capable of doing housework, but I don’t wish to argue about it on this day. Alfred doesn’t tolerate backtalk from anyone, he’s the man, he has the last word, period.

I remember the first time Alfred got  upset with me, it was about six months into our marriage and we had visited Shanghai to see my family. From the moment my parents found out about my relationship with Alfred, they were extremely displeased and at this point I was still fooling myself that I could make it up to them. 

At the dinner table, there were more words exchanged than I anticipated and I was grateful until it became quite malicious. Beginning with Alfred’s poor use of chopsticks and requesting for fork and spoon, then father ridiculing him of poor businessman-ship by making the observation that his trips here should match up with his knowledge and execution of Chinese culture. Next, mother’s suggestions, rather long list, of suitors I should’ve wed and the final blow of angry complaints of ending our _unappealing_ and _fraudulent_ marriage. Thankfully, Alfred’s quick mind and even quicker tongue allowed him to combat the barage of negativity. At the time, I was happy and loved the sight of seeing my man defend our love and commitment, it was simply liberating.

I knew when we returned to our hotel room, an angry fire raged in his heart. The whole way back, I tried to quell and extinguish it with sweet nothings and reassurance and I truly believed I was lessening the damage. Unfortunately, I was severely wrong.

“Alfred, I apologize for my parents. They just want what’s best for me. I’m their only daughter and—“

”Are all you people this stupid?! Can’t they see, I’m what’s best for you?! I’m the best thing that can happen for you than any of those yellow-bellied chinks they named!”

I stood before him, starstruck. Never had I heard Alfred have an outburst or use such language with me, especially when referring to my people. 

“A-Alfred.. I know you’re upset, but please try to understand where they’re coming from..”

He ignored me, reaching for the whisky and pouring himself a full glass; downing it in two sips.

“I’m sick of them looking down on me. I am Alfred F. Jones, heir to H&F Banking and I’m your closest shot of making it big, do you hear me?” 

His pointer finger stabbed in the space between my bosoms, right on my sternum.

I bit my lip, letting my passive aggressive remarks slip from my brain to my tongue.

”I understand, but do not let your status define me. I am an intelligent woman and with or without you I’m sure I’ll do fine.”

Then my cheek burned, my hair fell from its messy attempt for a bun and the clip that held it clattered on the floor. I blinked twice, then thrice. 

“Do you even understand what marrying me did for you?! I’ve given you dual citizenship, a glorious home, money, and the simple luxury of being married to an American man!”

I pursed my lips, furrowed my brows, and ripped the ring decorating my left finger and threw it on the floor.

”Well, aren’t I lucky to be home?”

I made a beeline for the door until he pushed me back with ease, this will be the first and last time I will try to leave him. 

I fell flat on my back, knocking the breath from my lungs. I quickly flipped to crawl away then he caught my frail ankle. 

“Don’t you ever try to leave me again! I’ll  teach you just what happens if you do!”

He stood me up, grabbed my wrists, and repeatedly slapped me. Then threw me on the wall, pushing me further into the room and closed off my escape routes; proceeding to beat me. Alfred obviously realized anymore face shots would raise suspicions and landed lots of blows to my abdomen. 

Eventually, he let up and finished the rest of the bottle of whiskey. While I was weeping, with a purple right side, swollen cheek, and aching chest. Though I never tried to leave again, Alfred quite literally beat into me how lost and disheveled I’ll be without him and somewhere I along the way I believed it; internalized it.

And that’s how I’ve gotten here, beaten to the point where my fighting spirit has completely vacated my body. I am now, but a hollow shell of the woman I used to be and I know it is unfortunate, but this is the hand I was dealt. Fortunately, I believe my husband has enough sense to not lay his hand on his pregnant wife, but who knows, Americans have no couth  at times.

Now rather than busying myself with spousal duties, I browse catalogs with a trusty red marker in hand for my bun slowly baking in my metaphorical oven. As much as I despaired having a baby, I secretly look forward to it, I should feel blessed to afford the luxury that are children. 

Soon enough Alfred was home, he showered me with kisses and dawned over what good choices I made in the catalog. 

“I’ve been telling all my coworkers, everyone is excited for Baby Jones!”

Baby Jones. What a strange name, it’s almost as if it’s not even mine like I never even assisted in the process. I don’t look like a Jones, I am Wang Yao Li. 

“You shouldn’t be telling so soon, anything could happen because it is so early.”

He stared me down with this piercing blue eyes, it’s obvious I hit a nerve. He struck me, I heard the maids gasp in the background then scurry away then loud whispers followed.

“I’ll tell who I please and we’ll ensure that won’t happen, won’t we, Yao?”

“Yes dear. I misspoke.”

I rubbed my stinging cheek, looking at out porcelain white tiles. He then kissed it, adding insult to injury.

“You know I don’t like doing that. But you are a hard-headed woman and I gotta make you understand.”

His explanation was worse than the action itself, how could one possibly justify the person they are supposed to love and care for? If I am to have a son, he will know that a man shall love his wife and not hurt her. If I am to birth a daughter, she will know that she doesn’t have to settle and know her worth because loving yourself is most important. Since it was something I couldn’t do, my children will certainly be taught and hold their teachings near and dear.

“As I was saying, the office wants to hold a shower for you then we can throw one right here at the house!”

I smiled and nodded, all of these functions were for him. Everyone in this neighborhood hates me and I don’t know his coworkers, why must we celebrate Alfred all the time? But what did I expect, this man doesn’t have an ounce of humility in his body. 

I’ve grown quite used to his attention seeking ways, I never enjoyed the spotlight myself and it’s strange that I’d marry someone who relishes in it, but we balance each other. He keeps me from completely melting into the background and I reel him in when he becomes too much. 

I married a self-absorbed American and now I’m getting exactly what I paid for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, have a fresh chapter! Thank you for the positive feedback, I needed a break from my other fic and I’m glad y’all are enjoying this one. Thanks for reading and thanks for the feedback.


	4. Wáng Yao Li

For the first time, in about a month, I pleaded with the maids to let me go grocery shopping. My outlandish cravings exceeded the parameters that is our kitchen and I needed to take matters into my own hands. Yes, they’ll get an earful from Alfred later and so will I, but my sanity surely outweighs a beating later. 

I decided to walk, we didn’t need much so it wouldn’t kill me to walk a couple blocks with paper satchels. I gingerly strolled to the store and took my time browsing, inspecting every item. Then rather running into the end cap, I ran into a person, much to my embarrassment. My cheek collided into their stomach, making them much larger than expected; before  I could begin my frantic apologies, familiar laughter insued.

”Alfred?”

Alfred it was not, he hadn’t laughed like that for me for quite some time, so instead it was Ivan. His pale skin flush from his quiet laughter. I blushed, uncertain of what to do.

”Sorry for disappointing, but I’m not your husband. And I must say, I never realized how mesmerizing the task of shopping was.”

I blushed, embarrassed by my indescrestions.

”Yes, it’s truly eyecatching indeed. I didn’t know you lived so close by, Doctor.” 

“Same to you, a lot of people of affluent professions reside here, but most with family. Unfortunately, I am a bachelor, so I don’t indulge in the luxury of family life.” 

I smiled, not quite sure what to do with that second half of information. Then I looked at my basket, barren, and wondered why exactly I even came out. I came to the conclusion that I just didn’t want to be at home. 

“Dr. Braginsky, forgive me if this seems innapropriate, but— would you join me for a late lunch?”

Immediate regret filled my stomach, what would I look like dining with another  man and I’m not hard to miss so it will surely circle back home. I nervously brushed my hair behind my ear, hoping to play my tongue slip off smoothly.

”I usually don’t do this with patients, but seeing as we are neighbors and your husband is a generous endorser of the hospital, it couldn’t hurt.”

Once again, everything boiled down to my husband. Even though he was _my_ doctor and Alfred has yet to attend an appointment, his name still carries so much weight. I was only a special case because I was Alfred’s wife, nothing more. Our union has completely erased my individuality, I was a mere accessory wherever we went, social functions, auctions, and now with my own doctor. I have totally become the sidekick in my own story. And never will these grievances see the light of day, I’ll bury them deep in my heart as there will never be a soul open minded or care enough to listen.

He purchased his groceries and we went to the cafe down the way. We chatted as we waited for food, I got a simple salad and Ivan, a country fried steak.

”You should really eat more, you’re eating for two and that really doesn’t cut it.”

”I want to keep my figure as long as possible, it makes Alfred happy.”

Ivan pursed his lips, and stroked his chin. 

“When’s the last time you’ve done something for yourself, Mrs. Li?”

My heart stuttered, it had been so long since I’ve heard that name. I am the Jones wife, I am no longer Wáng Yao Li, it’s Wang Yao Jones— despite the fact I hyphenated.

”What an odd question doctor, your meaning can misconstrued by a simple house wife.”  

“You woman are so strange here. No will or drive, just taking men’s orders like brainless robots. It truly escapes me and you are by far the worst. It’s very clear you are an intelligent woman, but you self esteem has been wittled down to dust.”

I cleared my throat uncomfortably, even though what he was saying was everything I’ve been thinking for two years, it mad me angry. While I desperately wanted someone to understand my plight and now he has, I’m enraged; for what reason escapes me. 

“I’m happily married and I want the utmost best for my husband and my child, so do other women. I am most certainly not a robot, I do the things I do because I love my family.”

 _Lies_. The people I associate are pompous snobs born with silver spoons in their mouth with no regard of others. Their families were a check on their status, that they’ve accomplished something necessary. And yes, Alfred means the world to me and I wish no ill will on him, love was the farthest thing I felt for him.

”Well, that’s all well and good, but you’ve yet to answer my question. When’s the last time you’ve done something for you?”

I was stumped again because the truth is it had been quite sometime. I’ve filled into only doing things because I wanted to avoid conflict or keep Alfred from doing something. Even back home, I did everything my parents told because I was terrified of what might have happened. Everything I have ever done was fueled by fear.

”I’ll take your silence as a no. Just make sure you know that your happiness matters.” 

As if right on cue, our food arrived and the conversation lightened up, but I couldn’t forget Ivan’s last statement. My _happiness_ always stemmed from someone else, never was it because I was simply content with myself.  

After our meal, we lingered outside for a few seconds. Like in cliché romance movies and novels, where after the date the couples have that awkward silence and they’re both expecting something. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you earlier. No one has ever questioned me like that, so I reacted poorly.” 

“I overstepped. I care about my patient’s wellbeing and it seems that in your case, I’m the only one looking out for yours.”

I fidgeted in place, he was absolutely correct. I played with the hem of my dress and looked at my feet and how awkwardly my toes look in my sandals. 

“We’re going to be seeing a lot each other, so please feel free to confide in me.” 

“I will. Have a good evening, Doctor.” 

We parted ways, I went back home empty handed, but mind and heart full.

Alfred was home in the sitting area, face stern.

”Where were you?”

”Out.”

He got up, he hadn’t even taken off his clothes. Alfred was still dressed in his plain white button down with cream slacks and suspenders to match. 

“Out with who?”

”I can’t leave the house by myself? I’m tired of looking at these four walls 24/7, okay?”

I tried to push past him, but he caught me with his large hand cupped around my delicate neck. He squeezed with minimal pressure, but I knew he wasn’t afraid to put more. 

“Watch your tongue. Pregnant or not, don’t forget you’re my wife.” 

I looked away and it looks like that false sense of confidence Ivan attempted to give me was stripped away in an instance. 

“Yes sir.”

He kissed me, it was soft and sweet, but I knew it wouldn’t last.

”I just wanna make sure we’re okay. Because once the baby gets here, things are gonna be different and I don’t wanna lose you.” 

I cup his cheeks, stroking them with a gentle thumb and looking at his beautiful blue eyes. In tender moments like these, I forget everything and think of what a sweet man Alfred is. 

“I love you. And there isn’t a thing in this world that will change that. Our baby will just change the dynamic and change is good, okay?” 

Alfred took off his glasses and rubbed his misty eyes. Then looked at me, they were watery and extra blue and for the first time in awhile, Alfred looked the most sincere he has in a long time.

”Don’t ever leave me Wáng Yao Li-Jones. You mean the world to me and I can’t do anything I’m doing if it weren’t for you.” 

As I stand here, listening to this man spilling his whole heart to me and I wondered how long would this last. How long will this kind, sincere Alfred be here? 

It was at this moment that I realized just who Wáng Yao Li was and she is definitely Alfred Jones’ wife. 


	5. Trophy Wife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not a native Chinese speaker and I literally used google translate for the Chinese line. Sorry for the crappy translation, I’m doing my best.

What is a wife? That word is loaded with so many different meanings, it’s incredible. I personally, only know two versions. One: love thy husband with all your might, be chaste and poised, honor one’s parents and in-laws, be kind, be respectful, mind your temper, be your husband’s voice of reason. Two: cook, clean, treat your husband like a king, heed your husband’s every word, never talk back, acceptance is your sole option.

However, I don’t know how reliable the second is, but I also wasn’t raised in an American climate. Neither sounds appealing to me, but who am I to question my family, tradition, or another culture entirely? 

And here I am, following neither of these guidelines wholeheartedly. I’ve brought great shame and dishonor on the Li family and every duty to my husband was never pure of heart; my mind forever refused. I’m no good as a Chinese or American wife, I was simply born a disappointment. Regardless of these truths, I still trudge forward trying to find my place as a wayward soul. But, at 20 years old, am I really supposed to have all the answers? 

A strange urge washed over me, the urge to call my mother. What was I expecting to hear, was beyond me, I knew she’d lecture me on my marriage, tell me to divorce and come back China then marry a man who is truly suitable for me. 

“Huányuán róngyù gěi wǒmen de jiātíng háizi.” She’d say. _Restore honor to our family, child_.

I’ll scoff dismissively, pretending as if I’m happy here and that this wasn’t the mistake my parents feared. And they were right, my parents were right about it all, but I’m too stubborn to admit it. 

Although, knowing full well how this conversation will begin and end, I proceed to call. 

“What a rare occasion to hear from my daughter.”

My mother’s frail voice was soothing, it was gentle and stern simultaneously. She could be both angry and pleased with the flip of a switch.

“Mother.. It’s good to speak with you. I’ve been lonely.” 

“I tell you each time, child. You should’ve stayed home with me and married Chien Shang. You would’ve been happy and home with your family.”

I scratched my head and sighed lightly.

“Mother, I know you worry. But I’m fine, I have a loving husband and we’re in the process of building a family.”

I heard a hard, tired sigh escape my mother. I was going to hear the lecture of a lifetime. 

“My lovely daughter— While I don’t approve of your descions, you are an adult now. I cannot control you, all I can do is ask you to heed my requests, but that proves to be useless in your case.” 

I bit my lip. My parents can be a lot of things: overbearing, demanding, protective, and most of all, loving. And pretty much for the entirety of my late adolescence, I’ve spent it defying them. It wasn’t until now I’d realized what a horrid— everything I am. 

“I know. But I truly have made a good desicion Mother, please believe me. I’ll call soon, Alfred’s calling.”

He wasn’t, two lies in a single sentence. I’m on a roll today. I hurriedly hung up the phone and sought out Alfred myself. He sat in his study with furrowed brows and deeply invested in whatever he was reading. 

“Why did you marry me?”

The question was sudden, startling both of us. The blond looks up at me with a quizzical look and removed his glasses.  

“If you must know, I think you’re beautiful. I never even dreamed of marriage ‘til met you. That sleek black hair and those chocolatey eyes. Your skin reminds of porcelain as you are a perfectly crafted doll. Wáng Yao, you are an absolute vision. A vision that I had to have for myself.” 

As I stood there, soaking in his words, there was never a time when he mentioned how much he loved me or what a great woman I am. All I heard was that I was a notch on his belt, a trophy to be had, a mere collectible. 

I smiled and nodded as if I was truly okay with his response while I was completely disheveled. I had married a self-centered bank poster child who had no clue what marriage meant or what it implied. 

Marriage is a partnership, two work as a single unit; combining both similarities and differences to create a harmonious existence. As yin and yang, while opposite one cannot exist without the other and I can definitely survive without Alfred. 

In this partnership, wives have their duties and so their husbands. He must be faithful, honest, career-driven, able to provide security, civil, and tender. While Alfred is more than capable of doing so, he does not. We are not give and take , I am the constant giver while Alfred takes until I am left dry. I am not allowed to expect a thing from him other than a stable home and constant flow of funds while I am expected to be the emotional backbone for him and myself.

My suppositions are forced to be short, his goes on for days. I must pretty, the house must be clean, food prepared, always hospitable for unwelcome company, strength to bare as many children as he pleases. All of it while running on my limited supply of love and happiness. 

“I’m glad you think so highly of me. It makes me feel good.”

I smiled pleasantly, rounded the desk and rested my delicate hands on his sturdy shoulders.

”Any dinner requests?”

”Let’s celebrate you tonight. I want sweet and sour pork with dumplings.”

”Consider it done.” 

As I strolled to the kitchen, I caught a glimpse of myself in a hallway mirror. My belly looked like a deflated balloon, but I know it will surely grow. I then realize what kind of wife I am. I do not abide by any tradition or religion, I am not valued nor wanted. I was married merely for convenience and no other reason. 

I’ve been completely taken for granted  and I let that happen. Now I must lay in the bed I have made. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year! I meant to have this up on the first, but I reworked it a lot more times than expected, but I got the first chapter of the new year! Thanks for reading and thank you for the feedback.


	6. Estranged

Alfred was away, it was the first time in quite awhile that he has left my side for an extended period. I secretly relished in this newfound freedom, I was absolutely giddy. 

I also find the deeper I traverse into my pregnancy, the more excited I become. I’ve filled pages with possible names and collected stacks of baby catalogs for my dream nursery. I must say, this is one of the few perks of being an affluent man’s wife, money is never in question. So all my decorative ideas can be fulfilled in an instant. 

Today, I’ll be attending my four month checkup and I’m officially in the clear from miscarriage or other adverse happenings. Also in a month’s time, I can know if I’m having a boy or girl which I could care less about as long as their healthy. And so I went to doctor, endured the usual judgmental stares until I was called back. 

“Good day, Doctor.”

I smiled brightly, it was quite out of character compared to my usual solemn and mature air. It felt good, if only it were permanent. 

“You’re awfully chipper, any good news?”

I shrugged my shoulders, most wouldn’t be so delighted in their spouse’s absence, but I was overjoyed because of it.

”My husband is out of town and I can finally breathe.”

It came out a lot harsher than I intended, but I’m sure he understood perfectly. Ivan had a knack for that, for even my most complicated explanations, he understood or he was just agreeing with me.

”Well, I imagine you and your husband haven’t been on good terms?”

”We haven’t been for a long while.”

Ivan grunted in agreement, pursing his lips as he rubbed cold gel on my pudgy midsection. He almost made some more inquisitive noises before nodding in assurement. 

“I would love to get to know this cheerful side of Mrs. Wáng Yao Li. This woman obviously has no attachment to her husband and seems like she’s up for a good time. Would she like to join me for dinner?”

I was taken aback by the sudden request, it was as if all professionsloty flew out the window, but I wasn’t complaining. He was a handsome man, pale skin, beautiful hair, and a jaw that could cut glass. 

I should be uninterested, very uninterested, but that wasn’t the case. I was very ready to jump at the chance to have a nice dinner, not prepared by me and have meaningful conversation. Every day was silent, filled with the shallow daily questions. ‘Good morning’, ‘how are you’, ‘did you sleep well’, ‘what do you want for dinner’, and so on. I wonder if my marriage has completely gone stale, probably, but I really don’t want to believe it. 

“Sure, that sounds nice.”

He smiled handsomely and we transitioned back to the subject of my bundle of joy. It was starting to look more like a person now than a deformed bean floating in fluid. It had a tiny nose and the beginnings of a spine, and most importantly— it was mine. My body was successfully growing another being and it’s absolutely amazing. 

Ivan left me in the room while I lovingly gazed upon my son or daughter and couldn’t wait to meet them. To hold them, stay up all night while they cry, be there first steps, first words, and even change stinky diapers— I wanted to relish in all of it.

”What should I call you? Lee Hua? Or maybe, Jia Long or Xiao Chun? Who am I kidding, Alfred will never go for any of those, but I’ll keep pretending.”

I dreaded this little one for so long and deep down inside I still do, but it has nothing to with the baby; it’s Alfred. It’ll be another piece of property: a boy, he’ll be forced to be Alfred’s corporate protegé  and girl, she’ll suffer my fate and be minimized until she believes she’s equivalent to dust. What will I do, no, what can I do to protect my child? Have I failed as a mother before I have begun? 

“Wáng Yao, everything okay?”

I was so preoccupied with my thoughts that I didn’t even realize that Ivan had returned. He looked at me, concerned. His strange colored eyes, glued on me waiting for my answer. 

“I’m fine. Just thinking.” 

“Please, don’t fall back into that gloomy persona. You’re too beautiful to frown all the time, no one wants premature wrinkles.”

While he may have played it off as a harmless joke, that compliment came off much more intimate and wanting. I haven’t been romanced in awhile, so I must be fishing for whatever affection I can get. My doctor is asking me to casual dinner and making sweet, polite gestures. Ivan is mindful and has a good head on his shoulders, he knows better than to destroy a marriage which is unfortunate as he is exactly everything I expected Alfred to be.

“Thank you, I’ll cheer up. I look forward to our meal tonight. Where shall we go?”

”My home. I don’t particularly care for American cuisine, so I thought I’d cook. Besides, when was the last time you had a home cooked meal that wasn’t prepared by you?”

I was shocked by this sudden advancement in our relationship, I didn’t expect to be invited into his home. Was I the first patient he had find this with? I secretly hope so because I feel special. I feel wanted, I feel a gauntlet of emotions that I had long forgotten about. 

“Then I look forward to trying your cooking, Ivan.” 

It was the first time I had said his name aloud. I’ve repeated it over and over in my head. It was short and sweet, impactful yet soft. It meant the gift of god or god’s gift, so I like to believe his god’s gift to me— my savior from my otherwise gloomy and lonely world. 

I returned home, with glossy pictures of the bean residing in my womb and a paper with chicken scratch that I’d supposedly Ivan’s address. It wasn’t far, well within walking distance and while the driver wouldn’t report to Alfred, I rather not chance it. However, I’m not doing anything wrong, don’t other husbands allow their wives the freedom of opposite gendered friendships? Any friendship I attempted to forge was cut short due to Alfred’s irrational fear of losing my attention. My only friend is Alfred’s uncle’s shamelessly young wife, Madeline. While he was pushing his midforties, she had yet to reach her mid twenties. And unfortunately, our contact has weathered as she is busy taking care of her young son, Peter, and newborn twins, Michelle and Wendy.  

She has a budding family, so of course our friendship was put on the back burner. But I see her every family function because the Jones’ love a party, one for every holiday: Christmas, New Years, Easter, Fourth of July, Halloween, and not to mention a few family reunions in between.

The main point being, I miss Madeline, I miss having friends outside of my kitchen and catalogs and I miss feeling included. So tonight was my change to have that, to have a friend, to be social, and get out of this god awful house.

I arrived to his home, the whole way there I fretted over my outfit, hoping I don’t look overdressed. It was a simple dress, colored a creamy off-white and hovered slightly my knees. It contrasted nicely with the jet black waterfall that is my hair draping down my back.

I hesitantly rung the doorbell to the quaint, one story home. From the outside it looked cozy, cobbled with gray stones, wooden framed windows, and beautifully cared for shrubbery. While I was admiring the exterior, Ivan answered the door, smiling widely. He was much different than his doctorly, professional self or even how he acted at the supermarket. He was much more relaxed and open, he seemed brighter.

”I almost thought you wouldn’t come. I thought the other Wáng Yao talked you out of it.”

I chuckled. I find it amusing that he talks about me as if I’m two separate beings when in fact, I’m just dishonest with myself and the world.  

“She tried, but I got the best of her.”

We laughed in unison as he invited me inside. The inside reminded me of being in a cabin, warm and dimly light, yet modern. 

I sat at the table where I could get a good view of him cooking. Ivan served me sparkling juice, he was quite prepared for this. The whole situation seemed increasingly premeditated as the night grew older. 

The wide array of non-alcoholic beverages, choice of dinner to curb pregnancy symptoms, and charming conversation. I began to question his motives, but the attention overrode suspiscion.

“You and your husband must be excited for the baby. Any big plans as of yet?”

He finally sat down while the food finished cooking with a beer in hand.

”Yeah, we are. But not for the same reasons. Must we discuss my husband? I’m here with you, not him.” 

Ivan smiled, taking a big gulp of beer then cleared his throat. 

“You’re right. So let me be blunt. I think you are absolutely gorgeous, I’ve tried to maintain my professional boundaries and I’ve obvuoudly overstepped. Our monthly  chats make me drawn to you in a way I would’ve never anticipated. I understand that this will complicate our relationship as well as the relationship with your husband. But I wanted to get that off chest, so do with that information as you will.”

It wasn’t painfully obvious, but suspected. Men think they’re great masters of secrets, you can practically smell their lies, but it’s wise to let them pretend. 

“Doctor— Ivan. Come here.”

He loomed over me then knelt to my level. We shared long eye contact, carefully reading each other, body language, facial expressions. We slowly drank in this moment and what it meant for us as well as our relationship as patient and doctor.

I smiled.

”You’ve given me more attention than my husband has in over a year and I thank you for that. I appreciate you taking interest in me. You truly are God’s gift.” 

 He opened his mouth to speak then closed it as no words came out. His response would be an action, the action to kiss his pregnant patient. It wasn’t forceful or intensely passionate, it was gentle and sweet and long awaited. I felt electric, sparks pricking every inch of skin unlike anything that I’ve ever experienced with any boyfriend or my husband. An entirely new and unique feeling that I feared I would never have again. 

“I’m sorry. That was way out of line.” 

I stroked his cheek, it was soft. I was happy, I felt like I was caught in time and this moment, that kiss, would loop forever.

”No, you did what felt was appropriate. And I totally agree. May I be graced with that sensation a second time?”

There was no hesitation this time. He dived straight in as we meshed our mouths together. Each making small movements, becoming accustomed to the other’s lips. The electricity returned, twice as intense, it scared me. I never knew such a strong feeling existed nor did I understand why it was happening it with him. However, every second was blissful and breathtaking and I would trade everything to have it forever. 


	7. Perfect

Human beings are amazing. And I mean truly amazing. We are biological miracles with incredible complicated systems and processes. But what amazes me the most, is the emotional capacity we each have. Before I met Ivan, I didn’t know it was possible to feel so strongly for someone. Not the feeling of love, but just to truly want to do your best for someone. You shouldn’t change yourself for anyone, but Ivan makes me wanna be a better person. He makes me want to love me, see my own value, and show me that I too am precious.

We don’t do much. Maybe the occasional dinner date or romantic night at the movies. He even took me shopping for the baby, what man would buy things for a child that isn’t his? In private, he’d shower me in affection, lots of hugs and kisses. We’d have the most interesting of conversations and I can truly say there hasn’t been amount of dullness in our time together. This is happiness, people spend their lives just for a taste of this and I’ve become greedy and bathe in it. 

I awoke this morning full of energy, as if I missing piece of me has been rejuvenated. I rolled over to see the hulking figure of my alabaster prince, breathing softly. I even pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming then proceed too squeal like a prepubescent teen. 

“Someone’s awfully excited.”

His velvet voice sends chills down my spine, but I smile nonetheless. 

“Over the moon.” 

I sit straight up in bed, dragging my finger down the silhouette of his body. My smile never dimmed it wavered as I took in his every feature. 

“Let’s go to the park today. I could use some exercise, so could the baby.” 

He grunted in affirmation then pulled himself out of bed, stretching his arms wide. Soon we were out the door and enjoying the sunshine. 

Theres was a crystal clear sky with a sprinkle if cotton candy clouds. And the sound of children’s happy squeals and low hum of industinct chatter filled my ears. I never got to do this at home, I was cooped up in the house all day, tidying, cooking, picking up useless hobbies. It’s almost laughable how we take the tiniest of freedoms for granted. 

I admired all the young couples pushing their babies in prams or playing with them on the jungle gyms. All the children chasing after one another, even the occasional wails from a scraped knee accident. 

“Soon you too will be able to frequent here.”

Ivan spoke suddenly, breaking me out of my thoughts. I smiled and placed a hand over my protruding midsection.

”Yes, in my loveless marriage, I hope o can find some solace. Perhaps the park can be that for me and my little one.” 

My words tasted bittersweet as I didn’t want to spend this sunny days alone, myself and child. I wanted you to grow and laugh with both parents by your side. I hope you won’t be too upset with just me.

”Oh, don’t be such a sourpuss, Wang Yao. Come with me, I didn’t bring this huge bag for nothing.”

I’ve been so preoccupied with my own monologue, I didn’t even noticed the canvas sack slung over his shoulder. He led me to the lake at the very center at the park, lovers and families enjoying picnics at the lakesude. 

We found a quaint spot, shaded by a charming oak tree. Ivan laid out his display complete with meal, lemonade, and small stereo. As moved to awkwardly sit, he switched on the radio and took my hand. 

“Dance with me.”

I looked at him as if he spoke another language. 

“Oh, please. Don’t be ridiculous, let’s enjoy the day.”

”I can assure you we shall.”

He snakes his arm around my waist, my hand in his and we gently swayed to Puccini’s O soave fanciulla. And never had the world been so bright, the wind so crisp, or tiny frogs croaking sounded so magical than at this very moment. 

“Quite the romantic, aren’t we?”

Ivan smiled as we swayed.

”This song is the very embodiment of all that love is and can be.” 

I smiled, letting out a small chuckle. Love, huh? It’s a miraculous thing and can be so many different things. How can I be so sure this is truly it? These starlike, almost divine coincidences should be proof enough, so is it still unwise to worry? That I, a married woman, have found true love in this false cavalier? 

“Do you love me, Ivan?”

I stared him deep into those strangely colored eyes, desperately hoping that his answer is yes. But also no. I was also hoping that my doctor had seen the error of his ways and woken up from his momentary daydream of courting his patient. Yet, I still wanted that over the top, undying profession of love for me. How selfish I’ve become. 

“I’d be a fool not to. You are what I’ve waited my entire life for. There will never be a woman as kind, loving, caring, thoughtful, beautiful, intelligent, or simply as pleasant as you. There are so many things I wish I could tell, but my god there just aren’t enough words in the English language to describe how truly immaculate you are.” 

I lowered my head, trying to soak it all in. I could cry, my tears could fill the lake twice over. But that dumb smile from this morning returned, even more glorious than before. 

“You shouldn’t say that, what false hope you give me. You are a cruel man, my love, but I love you too. I love you so much, it hurts just to say it. But I will never know anything more special or bewitching than the amity we share.”

He smiled in return, nuzzling his nose against my cheek and sighing. 

“Love is cruel. And there’s not a thing you and I can do about it, but continue to love each other.” 

I laid my head on his chest, listening to the beating of his heart and the quiet whispers of those around us. I didn’t mind them, I don’t have to mind them when we’re together. 

I don’t want to mind anything anymore. I wish time would stop and we could just be stuck in this moment, looping it over and over until time ceased to exist. 

But no such luck in such an unkind world as this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do apologize for taking so long to update, but the semester is over and I should have more time for more frequent updates! But I do hope you enjoy this long awaited chapter! Thanks for reading and all the feedback!


	8. Crashed

Do you know what it’s like to be in the prime of your life with everything going beautifully and not enjoy any of it? I’m married to a wealthy man, I live in a lovely home, and a baby on its way. Yet, joy is the farthest thing from my mind. I sit at my own baby shower, incredibly bored. I simply rock in this uncomfortable chair and rub my swollen belly. 

I’ve once again fallen into dreadful monotony and there’s no freedom in sight. 

I suddenly feel warm, chapped lips on my cheek. I gasp. It was Alfred, a light flush colored his face and he was clearly tipsy.

”Are you enjoying your party, my lovely little lotus?”

Of course, I enjoy listening to the neighborhood women whispering about how I’m undeserving of this life and my husband, calling my unborn child a  “mutt” and an array of other things I wish not to repeat. 

“It’s lovely, dear. Our little baby is so very loved.” 

I lied through my teeth. Lies flow out of my mouth like water in a stream.

Alfred smiled pridefully, he took a knee before me and gently laid his ear on my tummy. It was moments like these that I wish our romance was still passionate and fleeting as in the beginning. I wished that I was still so in love that it hurt. And I wish my heart wasn’t nearly as muddled as it is now. Loving the idea of being loved, but terrified of its costs.

I’ve spent many nights thinking about what could possibly come from leaving my husband. If he’s taught me anything, men will say anything to get you under their thumb and crush you in a second. I’d truly be an idiot to think Ivan wouldn’t become the same as Alfred. And I don’t think my fragile heart could take that kind of pain.

It’s horrid to say, but I’d rather stay in my suffocating marriage than venture out to new heartache. It’s safe here, rather familiar. 

”Do you love me, Alfred?”

He looked up, suddenly sober. The room fell to deafening silence and it was only he and I. Those blue eyes weren’t icy or dull in exhaustion. They were warm and my heart was melting with each second. 

“I have never loved a woman more than I love you. I only see you and that’s the way it’ll forever be.”

I sighed dreamily, letting those sweet nothings settle on my heart. Quickly sobering up, the sweetness spoiled as all his wrongdoings replayed themselves before me. My arms involuntarily shoved him away and hot tears prickled my eyes.

”What lies. I suggest you go back to your guests.”

The venomous words came all too easy to my lips. I didn’t intend for them to come out, but they did. I just became so fed up with the looks and snide comments, the blatant hatred was just infuriating.

I could see Alfred’s blood heating in anger and embarrassment. He grabbed my arm, pinching the fat on the back of it. He dragged me to the hall connecting the dining room to the foyer and pulled me in close.

”What did you say? Would you like to repeat that again?”

Obviously threatening me. But if I was going to be in trouble, I might as well say my truth.

”This is awful. I hate this. I dreamed of my perfect shower. It would be quaint with people I loved and loved me and cute little games. But you took that from me! I have no friends and I don’t get a chance to make any! Everyone hates me here! Do you know how bad that feels, Alfred?!”

A hard slap stung my cheek which angered me all the more; I shoved him.

”Screw you! You never listen! I’m sick of it! Have a good life, Mr. Jones!”

I tugged off his ring from my chubby finger, chucked it at him then dashed for the stairs. I heard thunderous steps trailing behind me and caught my arm. I whipped around and was met with lavender eyes. 

“Ivan?”

”Are you alright?”

I pulled my arm away and rushed to the bedroom, shoving all the clothes I could into bags and a suitcase. Ivan followed me and watched me with worry. 

“I have to go. He’s might kill me after that stunt I just pulled, especially after tonight. I have to leave.”

He gathered the bags and tugged on me again. 

“We’ll replace everything you need. I’ll take care of it, let’s go.”

I looked at him, dumbfounded. My once perfect bun, now disheveled and loose strands flying.

I felt like the protagonist of a soap opera running away with her secret lover. The party continued to rage on minus its guest of honor. I lead him through the back and out to the front where he stowed away my bag in his car. 

I stole a glance at that house, it was lit up and bumping with music. I’m sure my husband is looking all over for me, he must’ve thought I was bluffing. But not anymore. I’ve tasted what love was like and I don’t think I could’ve spent a week living like that. Though I can’t lie, it feels strange that I’m actually leaving. This is where my journey here began, it was a terrible start, but a start I’ll forever cherish. Without it, I never would’ve known how much I’ve neglected myself. I gave so much of myself that I completely gave up on what made me happy, my morals, my values. 

Without it, I would’ve never met Ivan. 

After this I have no idea what’s to come. I don’t know if I’ll get my happy ending or be shipped off back to China or what would even become of my baby. But at least I know that I did it for me and our safety is ensured. A peace of mind that that menace doesn’t have power over me anymore. 

“Wang Yao?”

I didn’t even realized how long I had been staring. Ivan must’ve thought I was crazy to even ponder staying.

I wrapped my shawl around my bare shoulders and sat in the car.

We drove away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t written in ages and I need to be better at that. I know I suck and I honestky haven’t forgotten about my stories, just busy. Thanks for reading!


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